happiness

(10 Oct 200) I am in Bali. Back to the island of dreams after more than three years of absence. It is a beautiful evening that I start to write this post. I was out in the surf today. The waves weren’t that good, closing out and wiping me out making me feel like drown, but still it is great to be in the water again, catch up with the swell from far out in the oceans, to feel the elements – it is great to just be.

strip of beach at Padma viewing down to Kuta Bay

A few days ago the first impression on the evening I had arrived was actually rather negative. For the first time, the “overdevelopment“ of Kuta and Legian seemed being too much for me. Upon my nightly stroll people were offering me drugs and girls on the street and I saw how complicated this tourist hot-spot ticks. Actually, it has always been like this and I knew it, but somehow it disturbed me this time, as it would happen here much less decent than for instance in Vietnam, maybe even Thailand taking in consideration specifically the touts. I had probably forgotten that. Further, I have suddenly felt kind of set-back. After years of being used to being seen as an expatriate suddenly having to cope with the role of a tourist - that means different questions, dual pricing system, and less depth even in superficial small talk due to meanwhile having forgotten much of my Indonesian. So the island did not feel home to me right from the beginning, as it once did when I was staying for half a year. But day by day I started getting used to it again. Finally I like the place almost as much as before. Maybe my view simply became a bit more realistic, which is only good.

The week was too short to really experience all aspects that had made life what it was the three years ago. Anyhow I will be back, the sooner better than the later. And if for work it will be better than for travel. The guys on my spot on the beach are still the same ones as years ago – at least for a part. They remembered my name which impressed me, while I had to ask for some of their names. Interestingly it made me again have my feeling confirmed how the people here are interacting very much on a more personal level than at many other places, even on the tourist beach. I have again made such nice encounters. People were so kind, so warm-hearted, often I could hardly believe it. At the beach-inn I got my old room and the guys knew my name and remembered all details. I was touched.

Still, there is actually a little conflict that I generally prefer the down-to-earth Kuta beach with cheap pricing and non-existence of any almost-dress-codes, but socially I would prefer a rather upscale spot with a different clientele than the Kuta crowds. Upscale not in terms of show-off but of more interesting people. Surfing professors and sunbathing artists. But does this exist though?

For reasons of convenience, being used to it, easy waves and walking distance to my favourite beach-inn I spend those days on Kuta Beach. The evenings then are reserved in order to meet friends and interesting people. I had met back Lesna, and it was nice to see that she seems to be happy with what she is doing. “Best friends” meanwhile works out well for us, which is great. All the old crew was there at the new restaurant that our “sister” Ani has just opened and we got drunk while realizing that we all know each other for quite a long time. When I remember these old black and white photographs with that South-Pacific feel…those old days in Bali were wonderful. A time of drifting, without sorrows, maybe better than the striving of today.

I had a nice dinner at Tekor Bali with Sieska, a first-met friend from the internet. It was a kind of experiment, but I had a good feeling with her. The dinner was really delicious and I had a pleasant evening talking about all one needs to say to learn more about each other. I am sure would be live closer to each others we could be good friends. She, her family and her circle of friends from Singapore seems to be a pleasant crowd.

Then there was the night out with Armoni and friend, and later then Landri and her crew at The Living Room in the posh area of Seminyak. There I met Ilsa and Yena and we had continued the party at the 24-hours Laota Chinese Restaurant (I remember there was a similar story years ago) and then in their impressive villas. Only at sunrise the party should be over. Ilsa has become a good friend with whom I have spent sleepless nights and lazy days in her cosy house in my favourite area, Kerobokan. She treated me well, cooked pasta for me and drove me around for meeting people from the business. It was such a nice time, and I don’t know how to thank her for all.

While in Vietnam it was always not so easy to make local friends who really fit, here is had always been easier somehow, and it seems much more to be about real friendship without asymmetric advantages or anything like this. No strategic thoughts behind all that. Just be with each other, share thoughts and ideas, share presence and being. I will see her and all others again upon my next trip here and possibly many more people too.

There was a nice dinner with Lutz from the project in Hanoi, Landri, and some of their friends out in Padang Padang. Apart from this being interesting people with impressive backgrounds and possibly good contacts for a future engagement in Indonesia, I had also had a meeting with a company on the island which is quite “hot” for me. A big dream would come true in case there would once be an opportunity working for them on the island or throughout the archipelago.

Back from the beach I have just had a hot shower with view on the palm trees turning yellowish form the light of the sunset. Enjoying the garden and birds singing while applying Aloe Vera cream to treat the burn from the intense sun out in the surf. The lush space in front of my terrace is just quiet, peaceful. I am back to the imagined and at the same time very virtual paradise. The constructed aesthetics of a jet-set-like lifestyle are gained back for a week. And it makes me happy. It is very material, but it is good.

“Let the music play”

Finally I am sitting in a Singapore Airlines 747 jet on the way to Frankfurt. My fellow countrymen are already pissing me off through the negative aura they seem to carry around. Wonderful flight attendants again in Kebayas, but they are today too close to the reality of the autumn back home, of the tasks I have to do at places that got unfamiliar with me, that are lacking the spiritual energy of for instance Bali, and at least even the smile that one is still given everywhere in more hostile Vietnam. And suddenly some sorrows are back. As soon as the island has been left behind, I start to think of Hang and miss the baby. I got to be strong now, and keep my life under control, keep the freedom and the relaxation that I had lost in the last years and further prevent from creating a situation that has so far not led too far.

Too early to definitely say, but it seems I have gained some dreams back. I have learnt that making them come true will require more action than ever before taken. And I have fuelled much energy and drive to hurry with Germany, work out all negative with a clear mind, be happy with what I have and play the game to see whether I can get more. I always knew that I can create a better world with my own two hands, first for myself, then for others. Vietnam will be an option, but Bali will again be and more than ever before remain the place to be.